The first stages of Christmas

Theme song of the day today seems to be "The 12 Days of Christmas"...it's been sung all over the house since early this morning and is now in it's de-composition stage, with new lines being substituted such as "3 French Maids" (thanks to our dirty minded boys)......"and an ostrich in a pear tree"....(courtesy of silly children)
At least it's gotten me in a rather Christmas frame of mind.
The other day we pulled out some of our Christmas songs and began practicing them for our December gigs. My personal favorite that I've been singing every year is "Merry Christmas the War is Over".... I really love that song.
We still haven't decorated the house yet. But I'm gonna make it a priority to get it done this week!!!!
Oh and 14 more shopping days, I thought you should know ;-)

of birthdays and stalkers

To a special friend:
Happy Birthday Laura...I hope your 21st is a wonderful new year. Thank you for your smiles, friendship and long late night talks about hot men....snicker. You're a ray of sunshine. I mean that. Kisses XXXX

In other news...I've been out every day this past week doing shows. Lots of shows. We have one more this evening for our city's Mayor and her supporters...and then blessed freeday.
Oh and I have a stalker. Yeah. Really special, I know... Before my trip he obsessively called the house here wanting to talk to me, even tho I told other people to tell him countless times that I had died or moved away. It never seemed to work.
He developed some sort of fixation on me when we'd perform at this live house he would frequent. I quit going to that particular gig when he started his stalkerish like behavior. And started praying extra hard for protection.
I hadn't heard from him for about a month and then he showed up at this party we played for the other night. It was special. I spent the night trying to hide from him.
Thankfully he didn't do anything too weird and I had the boys in the band to act as "interference". My heros.

I wonder what possesses a person to become so fixated on someone else they become stalkerish. I don't understand it.
And why is it that, in my opinion, men are more likely to "stalk" someone than women?

PS.......

PS to the last post....
Justin....for being the Alpha and Omega of bloggers, and for being such a nice guy ;-)...Dan...for being a faithful long time friend.
MUAH
Share the love...
This is fun

I Thank God For You

This is going to be a very long post
So you'll want to stop reading right now if you're the type with a short attention span

It's THANKSGIVING DAY!!!!!
And to celebrate this wonderous day I'm dedicating this post to you, my friends, readers, and aquaintances

I'm going to say nice things about all of you...or at least as many of you whose names come to mind at the moment (or who I suspect read this blog)

PLEASE don't be offended if I didn't name you!!!! You're very special to me, but I didn't expect you to see this post, so I thot I'd save space and tell you in person. Or better yet, if you'd like, leave a comment and I'll dedicate another post especially to you ;-)

I'll start with those I live with:
Our band.... Dad and Philip ....thank you for putting up with me these 8 years, it's been a good run....Gene...for being the enigmatic, genius, big hearted brother you are....Mike...for being...um you I guess (that was a loaded statement...snicker)...Aich...for your loyalty, depth and friendship....Al...for still being my best friend after all these years....Ambie....good listener and a big heart....Hik, Nick, Ves...I don't think any of you will read this, but hey, you guys are a pleasure to live and work with
Now for my family and friends/fellow bloggers...To the world's best mom and step Dad...I love you both tooooo much! Plus the most gorgeous older (and younger) sisters ...Amber, Suzy and Audrey, Abi....and not to mention my slightly insane but oh so cool brother Chris...and my deliciously crazy bro-in-law Stephen....I miss you guys and am so thankful for the recent visit I had!
Esther....my other half....Laura...for always being a ray of sunshine....Phil and Timna...long time friends, your unconditional love...Flo...you're growing up rather well...heh...always a pleasure to talk to....Luchi...for being so damn cool ..heh....Joe...for making me smile....Mig...for your depth and concern...Clara....love you girl!!.....Phil and Paula...another fun and cool couple....Aimee...for a fellow musician who's a kindred spirit
Most of all Jesus...for being......everything
I'm realizing how many cool people I know and have in my life
I'm so blessed
And last but not least, to my fellow bloggers who read and comment on my posts, entertaining or no....I do appreciate it. Truly.
I am thankful today
I'm smiling for you
I promise
Do drop me a comment if I forgot you. I will make it up to you.

disjointed brain

I feel blank and have absolutely nothing to say
Or maybe I have too much to say and am just afraid of it coming out wrong
And hurting you

As I'm writing there is a slight tremor. Earthquakes scare me. I'm always wondering if this is it...the big one that we've been expecting. You would think that I'd be used to them by now, growing up in Japan, but no, I never will be.

I am my own worst enemy. That fact has been emphasized to me more and more these days.
Save me from myself, please

I think I need to go to bed. This post is a nightmare in it's disjointedness...is that even a word? I wonder

I wish you were here to kiss me goodnight
And make me feel safe and loved

Sometimes I still dream of you and wake to find I've been crying

sniff

Ack...read it for yourself
I almost cried
Almost

Aich's photography

Aich and I took a bunch of pics the night before last...
I'm bored of my current profile pic so I'm gonna upload a few and choose a new one from one of these.
She's such a great photographer.

I love you

I Thank You But I Don't

Conclusion of argument with self concerning sappy poetry:
I will post it occasionally.....if I feel like it

Wrote this while I was walking through the park the other day.....

I Thank You But I Don't:

I thank you for knocking the hero out of my sky
But not for making me believe he never even existed

For helping to break the dam that had held back my tears
But not for being the cause of the reservoir drying up

For gently removing my ever present rose-tinted glasses
But not for taking the color out of my life

For making me open my eyes when I wished to keep them shut
But not for the lack of explanation of what I saw when I opened them

For disabusing me of the notion that love is all hearts and flowers
But not for never giving me either -- not even once

For helping me grow and become the woman that I now am
But not for stealing my childish dreams and simplicity

For teaching me that true love is the most beautiful thing in the world
But not for being my tutor in hurt and cause of this exquisite pain

--Dedicated to Ambie

a video clip

Quite a few people have been asking me for a while now to post a video clip of the band...
So for the last week I've been trying to find a suitable hosting site. It wasn't easy as the clip I wanted to post is rather big (about 21 MB) But I think I may have just gotten lucky
So if you really want to waste about 10 minutes or so of time...(it takes that long to download it)...click this and have fun
Just to warn you, the quality isn't great, as it was shot on a digicam...and the "video-er" tripped while she was filming (poor darlin) so if you're prone to motion sickness, I'd be careful.
But I hope you enjoy it.
The song is Dance Dance :)

Amanda and I

my 13 year old sister and I

Dedicated to: The many faces of Mike

And just to be nice here's a decent pic

(tho I still hold to my opinion that the streaks are very skunk-like)

Mike shoving food into his mouth

I just adore this guy...heh

Matusmoto weekend

The Band...

of schizophrenia, birthdays, and songwriting

Today was a grey day.
Freeday
I walked through the park and was hit with a very grey feeling. I don't quite know why. It's like all the colors were duller than usual and the sky was this monochrome looking backdrop.
I wrote more "sappy" poetry while I was walking. I'm hopeless. And I went and had my ritual Frappacino at Starbucks. That always does wonders to lift my spirit.
It's funny how the weather can get you down.
I realized that I'm going to be 25 in less than one month and started contemplating my life.
I have a ritual that I've been doing every year since I was about 10 years old. I write a letter to my one-year-older self from my present-aged self (schizophrenic, I know...) It's interesting to read back on all of the letters. It's basically a recap of the year, plus any advice I have for my next year.
Now I've just confirmed my insanity.
Who bloody cares
Anyways, it's almost that time to start writing that letter, so I'm trying to recall what I've been doing all year.
I honestly can't remember
I know... I'll check my blog archives, that should jog my memory

On another subject...I was thinking...
To me, one of the most ultimate/greatest "gifts" would be to have someone write a song for me.
So I think I'm gonna go and try to create the ultimate gift.
I have a songwriting itch
We shall see
Got a feeling it's not gonna happen

sometimes I lose it

I from here forth will not (try not) to bare my soul to a computer...or an unknown audience
I will not
I will not
I will not
(the Long Island Iced Teas are violently arguing this point with me)
Good night
Quick
(question...if you say it over and over, does that make it count?)

My music

Okay...after much brain work, trying to figure out how to post music and video links on this blog of mine, I believe I have succeeded in posting a song that I wrote that is on our band's newest album.
Enjoy...I give you Piece of Heaven
I hope this works.
Let me know what you think...I'm very interested

PS:
(I had to change my hosting site, as the other one wasn't working, so now the link will take you to a page where you've got to search for a little link button that says "download" or something to that effect...it took me a minute to find it, as it's rather inconspicuous...but don't give up. It's there :-) )

This old hat

This old hat….
So well worn
Vintage piece
Mended, torn
Once so loved
Though on loan
Second skin
Comfort zone
History filled
Daily kissed
Lost awhile
Greatly missed
Found again
In altered state
Fit now skewed
Feel still great
Enough’s enough
Friends advise
But I am useless
At goodbyes

PS: Thanks Aich for the word "useless"...heh (see, I told you I'd give you credit for that ;-) )

of music and singing and other foolishness

While I was working out today I put on a different CD to exercise to than intended, which turned out to have some songs on it that I recorded at 19...most of the Rendezvous CD (aka Mosaic). I don't think I've cringed that much listening to music in a while.
Thank God for what constantly singing "live" does to your voice.
That particular CD was recorded when I was still finding my "groove" with our band, and more importantly with myself and my style.
When I was 14 I thought I was Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston...or someone to that effect...
When I was 15 I looked in the mirror and found that I wasn't black and would never have that "tone" so I decided to find a new role model
At 16 I was sure that Alanis Morisette and I were sisters....possibly even long lost twins...or was it Toni Braxton that I was related to....
At 17 reality started to sink in... I wasn't a super star Diva, probably never would be, and had a long way to go before I was even listenable singing live.
After that I started on the long hard road of trying to find what it was that I could sing and sound good at and what I should leave for the professionals...
Thankfully I was in a place where I had the opportunity to sing ALOT, experiment, as well as have the chance to take vocal lessons (yeah, they were opera lessons, but IMO that's one of the toughest kinds of training there is...)
All that to say... I still cringe when I hear recordings anywhere from about 3 years back...but it makes me incredibly thankful for the fact that I've been able to learn and grow through a live band avenue, using music as a way to witness as well as indulge in something I LOVE.
All that to say...Cheers to music, to singing, to those of us who are still experimenting and finding our groove
And I'll now go back to my cringing

of a cynical wannabe poet

I've decided to rethink the whole stance I have about posting my poetry on this blog. This came about after getting a comment from one of my sisters about my sappy poetry (ouch), plus the reality check that the way I come across when I write is often quite different than the way that I actually think and act.
In the real world, apparently, I tend to be cynical (ouch again...you know who you are), a realist, and not forever pining for the man of my dreams (who doesn't exist anyway) to come and sweep me off my feet....(and fill my head with dirty thoughts...) heh
Wow I like parentheses tonight
That being said...we'll see whether I retire the wannabe poetic blogging or not. I'm not sure yet. Not that it matters or anything.
And just to continue in my walking-contradictory frame of mind...here's something I wrote rather recently....

You were an enigma
A nameless soul I had already named
Drawn conclusions
Based on surface elements
Boxing you neatly into the corner
I had labeled "undesireable"

Then....reality
You are beautiful
You are unattainable
You catch my eye
And all I long for is
To drown in your fleeting gaze
Preconceived notions left silently behind
As I marvel now in the beauty that is you

Did you think it possible
To haunt every waking moment
Every thought, wish and memory
Like you now haunt mine?
The way your lips felt..
Nothing but the two of us
In a moment when we
Were as naked as a soul allows

I am reeling
I am drowning
(Now would be a good time for my grounded/down to earth side to kick in)

And goodnight

disjointed brain

I'm sick...waaaaaa....I need sympathy
And a man to come and baby me and be my slave for the day. Heh. Any takers?
I guess that's what happens when I'm out singing basically every night/day for over a week and with jet-lag not quite worn off. It was hard to perform today with my tonsils and sinuses hurting like hell. But TG I have a no gigs from tomorrow for a couple of days . Time to sleep a little, hopefully.

Morbid thought for the day....
Do you remember when I used to tell you that I didn't think I'd live past 25.....
Well, I'm still here and keeping my fingers crossed for one more month
Wish me luck
We'll see

What an odd, disjointed post. I think this fever has addled my brains a bit.

1 year anniversary

As of today I have been blogging for a whole year.
Celebrate with me
I feel like I've really accomplished something. Heh

Halloween/Ambie's Birthday

It was fun...I think Ambie's posted a couple of pics
Highlights of the evening:
JELLO SHOTS!!! The punishment for losing a game (or for giving lame answers) was making people suck them up through straws..(thanks Marvy for the great idea) It was the most hillarious thing. (of course the vodka probably added to the hilarity of the situation)
Gene's costume "the water boy" (aka Aquarian): complete football regalia, stuffed pants to make him look more well endowed, shoulder pads, the works.
Hik looked pretty good too as Taurus...face painted and horns created from his hair. (I've got to post pictures...I'll try to bum some off of Ambie)...
It was one of those evenings that everything just kind of "works", TTL, and that was a great relief, as there's nothing worse than planning all day for a party that turns out to be a dud.
I am so making jello shots again for our next party.
Freeday today and I'm taking it easy...... I rented the movie Kingdom of Heaven, which I haven't gotten around to seeing yet, so I'm going now to bask in Orlando Blooms beauty. Can't wait ;-)
HA HA HA
Catch ya later